No Rest for the Wicked

This blog is going to be a little all over the place, but that's my current state of mind. One thing I've learned over the years when I feel like this, is to just write. It may not make any sense, but once it's out there, and in the open, I can sort through the bullshit and just really get to the root of what the real underlying stress factor is. Aside from life, little things seem to cause a lot of problems. Just like the big ones. In my opinion, the smaller things, that don't seem too bad at the time, are the ones that come at you worse. Now that I'm older and (enter air quotes here) wiser (end air quotes), it doesn't take long before I can call myself out on whatever self-sabotage I'm doing to myself. So, fun fact, we weren't planning on announcing it, so if you read this, don't tell my husband. Lol. But I want to be transparent with what's been going on. I took my birth control out. Which leads to my hormones and body trying to regulate and get back on track. Whatever track that crazy broad was on. Which means the stress eating is REAL, my friends. You see, I started this reset cleanse for school, and it was going great. And then BAM! Hey muffins, hey old friend. Long time. And look! Pancakes and french toast. Oh guys! I've missed you! Yeah,no. those a-holes. So, I can break it down to either hormones regulating, and my body kind of like 'BJHCFDHVSBVHKFDVHFOOOOOOOD!' or, I'm stressed. Which is always a factor. Let's be real. This food spiral of mine has most definitely domino affected my depression and anxiety. I've felt overwhelmed and anxious. And definitely on my toes. No one sees it, but I feel it. That's one thing I always wondered about with other mama's. Or just other caretakers in general. But mostly the moms. When I first had Charlotte, I think the biggest thing I worried about was being a mom (Duh). But not so much being one, because the second she came out of my lady bits was the moment I was a mom. Ish had suddenly dick slapped me straight across the forehead (Excuse the dirty bits, but seriously. No mercy). But I think the biggest thing for ME, was that after having her, I almost felt like I HAD to do everything. And I shouldn't need help being a mom. And that if I asked for help, it was publicly admitting that I wasn't ready, or didn't know how to 'mom'. And sometimes I still feel that way. The whole, 'well, I'm her mom. I should be able to handle this'. Yeah, about that. Haha, And I don't want anyone thinking that my husband doesn't do anything, but lord knows I make it rough for him to step in. Even when I do manage to let him do something, I'm helicoptering the hell out of that guy. Haha. Maybe it's a control thing. Who knows? But truth is, being a mom is one of the most HARD, Rewarding, and scariest things I've ever done. Like, ever ever. And My sister-in-law (shoutout!) always reminds me, every time, because I think this is a reoccurring issue I have with myself, that if you are stressed or worried about whether or not you're doing a good job or not, at being a parent, you're already one step above where you actually think you are. The parents that care whether they're doing well at raising their child(ren) are more than likely outstanding parents. And I know I need to hear this, and I'm sure some of you reading this do too. Parent or not, you are doing great. You are amazing. You are beautiful. You are worthy. And you DESERVE to be happy. And believe it or not, there are small adjustments that can help you get there. For anyone reading this, and i mean ANYONE, I will always be available for encouragement. Because in all honesty, everyone needs a good cheerleader in life. Even if it's just for a small conversation. With that being said, this blog was a hot little mess. But I feel better. And I hope you do too! You beautiful being you! Little by little, I'll be breaking down the tidbits in this blog. I'm devoting myself to you ever Friday night! Turn up...or whatever the cool kids say nowadays. Anyways, until next time guys! <3